Only a handful of people have told me that they're worried about me. I want to be so thin and sick that I am threatened to be sent to the hospital by somebody other than my parents. They've said many times that they're going to send me to an inpatient facility but I know they never would accept me in there because I'm too fucking fat. They'd take one look at me and say I'm a whale and can't be classified as anorexic. I want to be so thin that I collapse many times a day instead of the amount that I already do. I want to see black all the time and not just when I stand up. I want to weigh double digits. i want to pass out in school. I want somebody to threaten to make me recover.

I remember when Kenia told me she was angry that I don't want to recover. I remember she said "it's like you're okay with dying"